Kiku Collins: Old Blog to 12/09

I know that some states are assured that a certain candidate will win. Right? Well, if those folks who are for that candidate decide to not vote, since it's a sure thing... well, that person might not win.

Not to mention how lucky we are to be able to vote. It doesn't always count, but at least you'll have the right to complain if your chad is hanging out, or whatever...

I found this cool page, a little late: https://www.votepoke.org/index.html
It shows if you're registered. I am, of course! Can't wait to bring my girl to vote tomorrow - apparently school is cancelled for the big day. I've been bringing her to vote since the Baby Bjorn days. She's been to protest marches. She knows the deal, and she's not a Maverick.

3 more weeks of healing for her. I'm very proud of her progress and attitude. It's killing me to keep buying all this yogurt and junk... packing her lunchbox chock full of yogurt, rice pudding, drinkable yogurt, soups, and that disgustingly squishy bread that she's ok to eat - personally it turns my tummy but if I were on a soft food diet, I'd probably chow a mushy pbj every now and again. Oh, and the pasta... thank goodness for rice pasta - the amounts of dairy and gluten that kid is consuming these days is just bashing my health nut brain into the ground.

There are so many things going on at the moment, lives are upside down for so many reason. Stress is at an all time high, and I find myself being a bit short on the patience. That's when I step back, look at the situation, and try and take a nap, have some nice kombucha, drink a cup of tea... if there's no time for chillin', I'll fill my french press with freshly ground coffee and get that water boiling. If I'm feeling really feisty, I'll heat up my soymilk and froth it. How fancy.

Back to work. And by work, I don't mean make money, because that has been quite a shortage in the past few months. But work I must, whether it's in the home, on my playing, trying to build a future for myself and my daughter from the rubble.

Have some coffee, take your emergen-c, drink some kombucha, and smile because someone MUST love you!!! It's true. Figure it out for yourself and know that there's always someone who wants to see you smile. Probably more than one person.

xo,
NP

Yup. Still there.

In my *old* age, I've become tired of being the caretaker when it's not my responsibility. For my daughter? Yes, and age appropriately at that. She's a big girl and I treat her as such. She's more responsible than a few adults I know.

I find I have little patience for those who should know better. You know, the adults who continuously abuse themselves for sympathy. They know that they are hurting not only themselves, but those around them. Is it a psychological glitch? Perhaps. But then, proper treatment would make more sense than doing the same old temporary fix.

Another thing that has been bugging me in recent years: pathetic folks looking for perpetual sympathy. Yeah, we all have been guilty at one point or another. It's nice to be the "poor little *insert name here* has no *object or other missing facet of ones life* and surely could use our *missing object or love or tears*. I mean, yes, sometimes life gets overwhelming, tragedy strikes, and there are certainly times when we all need to be nurtured, to be given a shoulder to soak with our tears. Lord knows I've done it enough in my life and will certainly again and again. But there are those who claim nothing ever goes right, they don't have enough work/money/friends/love/or anything else that people desire in this world.

Times are tough. On most. But I do believe that even in the worst circumstances, we all can control something of our tragedy, even if it's a positive outlook on something, anything. Some tragedies are too horrible to pick up from immediately, healing takes time, but please always remember that we are not put on this earth to perpetually suffer, unless that is what we desire.

My daughter is a prime example of positive outlook, at least to me. Here is a girl just 7 years old, faced with much more than most folks think - so many things that would bring an adult to chronic depression or worse. Maybe it's being a kid, simply. Is it the innocence, the stretch of possibilities ahead, the awesome parenting (I like that one!), the reminders of good fortune despite the stuff that brings us down? I look at my daughter every day and think, someday, I would like to be as brave and positive and carefree as she is.

Today is a good day to start trying.

xo,
NP

Sometimes, it feels like you're upside down. As if the world has just turned over, and you're not quite Dancing on the Ceiling, but wondering how you're going to get back on the floor.

It's been a strange time here, but as always, things could be worse and I still manage to smile and be thrilled with life in general. I tend to worry about others a bit too much, but I guess that's me - the caretaker. The Mom.

So, for everyone out there who is in a really bad place - remember the time when you were most happy, think of what keeps you going these days, think of your family, friends, loved ones - and heal. DO what it takes to make things right again. I can't fix what is wrong in someone else, and that someone else can't sit and wait to see if I can. This goes for everyone! Support is essential, but healing from within is the key.

As you might imagine, someone close is going through a personal hell of sorts, and it does affect my life. But all I can do is support and help as best I can. However, all the support and help will not solve the problem. So all I can do is keep supporting and helping as I can, and waiting for that smile to emerge. Beat your demons. I know you have it in you. And too many people need you here.

ANYWAY, my goodness... what a turbulent few days in the middle of an emotional time! My daughter is healing very well, enjoys being back in school and likes that even though she can not participate in recess or gym or lunch (she enjoys lunches with her teachers, away from rambunctious activities and the temptation of crunchy, chewy foods!!!). She enjoys her quiet time to read or play in the classrooms during the physical activities.

We go in a little early to avoid the running children up the stairs for class. This morning we saw her friend from class, and her friend asked when she could play again at recess. I told her it was another 5 weeks, and she was sad. My daughter is quite the playmate, and a very physically adept kiddo, so I know when she is able to participate again it'll be a very exciting time! Meanwhile I have to remind her to not run, jump, etc. Kids. Sheesh.

Anyway, I enjoyed trying to work a bit more into my new mouthpiece. I'm currently on a 3z which is a commercial step from my usual classical suspects. I'm grateful to Loud Mouthpieces for their amazing products, and play on them exclusively now! The new one I'm working into, the 75m, is a completely different shallow mouthpiece. Usually I can't make a sound, except for the frustrated grunts as I try desperately to buzz into the nail shaped disaster. I have no clue how other trumpeters can make those things work, but it could be my strict classical upbringing that hampered my ability to play on a screamer. That's why this is so exciting, and I need to be careful and transition slowly! Keep it in the staff, switch back and forth with scales and easy things like that.

Back to the studio after I finish this cup of coffee. Who knew that Agave nectar would taste so good in coffee???

xo,
NP

http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/10/autism-denis-le.html
Seriously? He's chosen to write a book, Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Lazy, and Stupid. And in this book, Leary writes "There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks…to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a s--- what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you—yer kid is not autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."

What's his excuse for being an *sshole? Sorry, but I just heard about this and find it horrible that a person, especially one with *star power* who could possibly help folks with disabilities would instead look down on them. Hopefully this will end on a positive note, perhaps he will see the light, perhaps autism will get more attention and funding and research. Autism is real, and perhaps was underdiagnosed in the past. And maybe it is overdiagnosed as well, but it's got so many variables, there is an entire spectrum of Autism that is hard to pinpoint. Very low end Autism is often hard to recognize, but that doesn't mean these kids don't struggle. And that their parents don't work and struggle and hide their broken hearts daily. Does this mean that dyslexic folks are just too lazy to learn to read from left to right? Do folks who are quadrapalegic just not try hard enough to walk and use their arms like everyone else? Did little people just stop trying to grow? Wow, this one could go on, 'eh?

People tend to make fun of what they fear, when they can't admit that it concerns or scares them. If he's so smart and knows what the REAL problem is, perhaps he should go and work with labelled autistic children so he can cure them.

And then he can run away with Tom Cruise and laugh at the autistic children with their moms who suffer from Post Partum Depression.

Ok, time to get on with this beautiful day! Thanks for the rant. I just hope that he gets a much needed wake up call!

And about this election...

xo,
NP

My girl went back to school today, thanks for all the great vibes and prayers and stuff!!! Though I have to send her with a huge lunch/snack since she can't chew yet (yogurt/pudding overload!) and bring her in early and pick up early to avoid the wild kids running up and down the stairs, she seems happy to be back.

I guess it's time for me to get back to work!!!

xo,
NP

Kids are hysterical, mine is no exception. Today, she saw one of our geckos, um, go to the bathroom. She then asked if we should give our geckos a bathroom? I said no, that's how they do it.

She then decided that birds use cars as their bathrooms. :)

It's said in such a matter-of-fact way that makes me wonder if she is serious or being extremely sarcastic, which seems to run in the family.

In the past she has asked (out of nowhere) if the toilet is a cemetary for food.

I think she was 6. And definitley serious about it.

Anyway... she's recovering very well! Onto the soft food diet which is a lifesaver, though she still enjoys shakes and ice cream (uh, who wouldn't???)

And Friday night at the Women in Jazz Festival was just awesome - Venissa Santi is such a talented singer and writer, and a sweetheart to boot! We're planning on doing more work together, my horn work meshed with her vocal work like magic, something that doesn't happen all the time, but when it does, the rest of the world becomes fuzzy for that moment in time, and all you feel is the creation of some of the most beautiful vibrations. Seriously. Check her out and buy her album, it's pure magic!
http://www.myspace.com/venissasanti
And finally, what a gorgeous day in NYC today! I spent a good portion of it outside, even though I ignored my horn completely yesterday. I promise to practice tonight, and I already did some warming up this afternoon. I figure my chops had a good scare and workout for the Friday gig, and I'll be just fine... a day off is good once in a while!

xo,
NP

I'm very excited to perform tomorrow evening at the Women in Jazz festival in Trenton NJ. Check calendar for details! I'll be playing with Venissa Santi and her band, some of my tunes included, it should be a fun time!

Still home with my baby. Though I see almost no trace of bruising now, she is still self conscious. I'm hoping to get her out for a bit, maybe score some Halloween decorations for the house, some soft food treats?

Speaking of food, I'm so glad to have a little energy back to cook! Yesterday I dug through the frozen archives and defrosted some leftover chicken and some beautiful filet mignon steaks wrapped in bacon. Dinner was decadent filet... mmmmeat. This afternoon as I felt the lunch urge happen upon my tummy, I scavenged through the fridge and cabinets and managed to turn some leftover chicken into amazing but completely unauthentic Pad Thai!

In NYC it's so easy to fall into the "Hi, I'd like to order for delivery" mode. Of course during the initial healing stages I couldn't do much other than that. But now, I seem to have a wee bit of energy back in me bones!

And a funny thing about coffee, I had a cup and a half yesterday - after my 3 1/2 week hiatus from the delish brew, and for the first time I needed a hard core disco nap in a while! It won't stop my love for java, that's for sure, but really interesting all the same.

Somehow having your 7 year old home 24/7 makes for a perpetually disorderly living space! But it's ok, every few hours we clean up - just to mess it up again! :)

xo,
NP

I see two options in this election currently - the demise of just about everyone I know who is either a freelance artist, a middle class American, a parent... or the *possibility* of change. And I'll tell ya, the way things are headed, any sort of change is welcome right now. I try to keep my blog as un-political as possible, lest the Republicans stop buying my music and hiring me as musician, but we all have our right to our opinions. I just think mine is right at the moment! :) Anyway... this all swims around as I halfway tune into tonight's debate.

On to more positive things. My daughter continues to heal beautifully! Her teacher even came by today to drop off homework and visit, what a fun time! She was excited to show him around, introduce him to our family pets, and just be goofy as always. She got an armload of get well cards from her class which were quite adorable (though a few used too many hearts and mentions of love for my taste - all from boys! Oh, my weak heart...)

Her swelling continues to come down, the cuts around her mouth from the clamps have just about disappeared (thanks in part to Mom's crafty use of homeopathic meds as well as super fancy Creme De La Mer - my essential luxury!!!)

Anyway, she's still limping a bit but it seems to not stop her from being careless and running and jumping, so here I am, paranoid Mom, laughing at how cute and excited she can get but cautioning against any sudden movements! Again, the old ticker...

We have another appointment at the hospital tomorrow, so keep your fingers crossed that we're approved for more than liquids. My skinny kid could blow away in a mild wind, though she is enjoying the melted ice cream.

In addition to the cool 7 page whammy from Del Lyren for the October 2008 issue of the International Trumpet Guild Journal, I'm super excited to play this Friday with Venissa Santi for the "Women in Jazz Festival". Originally I was hoping to perform with my band, but budget and time to rehearse (with my girl's recovery!) were very tough to work with, so I'm thrilled for this opportunity to work with such a gorgeous singer and a lovely lady! The band was nice enough to learn a few of my tunes, and I'll be popping in on hers. I wish we had time to rehearse, but it just wasn't possible, especially since she's in Philly! I'm a bit worried about my flabby chops, it's been very hard in the past week to practice, and any trumpet player out there who is not superhuman or just a freak of nature will tell you, this is a high maintenance instrument! So please keep your fingers crossed for me that I will survive. I'm a 24/7 nurse mom until the time I leave, so there's not a ton of time to get my endurance back. Sigh... I am a survivor and I'm sure it'll be great! As soon as I figure out the trains to and fro!

Anyway, this debate is grating in my ear. Perhaps I should get my earplugs or just turn it off! No matter which side you're on, please vote. It's such a privilege - don't drop the ball because you're too busy or lazy!

xo,
NP

The bone graft surgery was a success, however, my poor girl inherited my Asian hips so they had to take from 2 sites instead of just one. Well, someday she'll thank me but DEFINITLEY not today!

It was quite the emotional experience, watching my babies tears of pain in the recovery room, hating that she had to feel all of that, the wires and probes and what not, the noise of other post-op patients, the blaring of Barney (which we both detest!) from the "tent" next door, her eyes rolling in her head asking if I can turn it off (atta girl!). When she finally felt well enough, we moved into our room. It was a room with 4 beds in it! Now, how is someone supposed to get any rest like that? A tiny little baby next to us, a little girl with her head wrapped in bandages across the way, and the last girl who had just undergone an appendectomy and also had pneumonia (at least, that's what my involuntary eavesdropping deciphered!) The staff was thrilled with my girl's ability to drink water (thanks to the zip-n-squeeze!)

http://www.zip-n-squeeze.com/zns.html
and we were discharged the next morning. A big owie on her hip from all that bone that was stolen, a bruised and swollen face even a prizefighter would weep at, and yet there she was, outta there like Sonic the Hedgehog.

I had a worrisome day with my girl yesterday, not to be graphic but she couldn't keep everything down. I think the eagerness with which she took to water was a bit much for her little body. She did manage some pureed chicken soup and that seemed to stay put, according to my findings while cleaning up several times that evening.

This morning the swelling has gone down so that she looks a bit more like herself, the boo boo's from her mouth clamps during surgery are looking a bit painful, but not a complaint from my little ninja. She is attempting to speak again which is good, though difficult to understand. We are working with a hand squeeze system, which is good, also a hand signal system for the zip-n-squeeze since I control the flow of liquids (she's not allowed to suck for a while due to the incisions along her gumline). We're getting our rhythm here, catching up on some movies, reading books, and I scored a beautiful Mancala set called "Kidcala", same traditional African game but with colorful wooden fruit pieces instead of the boring stones or marbles. It's really fun, everyone should have a set - no matter what age! I first discovered it in my mid 20s thanks to my friend Jackie. I'm sure when she sees the set she'll want this version too!

http://www.drugstore.com/products/prod.asp?pid=192368&catid=121558
I actually stumbled onto it while ordering some protein powder for recovery. Lucky stumble!

Anyway, back to my girl now. I'm looking forward to the minute she feels like taking a walk outside. We need to work this hip a bit, more than to the bathroom and back. I know, give it time.

Plus, she stole my fuzzy slippers! I got her some amazing ones from Peru on this last tour - they looked like Chewbacca feet! A hair (pun intended) big for her so she opts for my stretchies instead (they're my tour bus slippers so I'm glad they're being put to good use while I'm home!)

I also want to plug a recipe for the Jamba Juice Orange Dream Machine - thank goodness I found this! http://rogueidea.com/2007/07/09/jamba-juices-orange-dream-machine-without-jamba-juice/
She drank quite a bit of this today and I'm so grateful for it. Super easy to make too! :) And I beefed it up with protein powder, of course!

Every day will get better. Forever, I like to think!

xo,
NP

I see it's been 10 days since my last blog! Some might say it's been a while, some might say it feels like yesterday. Me? Well, everything is a blur.

My daughter's surgery is coming up fast. We've been preparing for a year for this one. Yet it surprises me when I think that it has actually arrived. Thursday. Before the sun comes up, we'll be heading to the hospital with laptop, DVDs, toiletries, books, and a change of clothes for each.

I can't lie, I'm scared out of my mind. I've been coming down with some kind of cold, no doubt stress induced. Trying to remain calm for her is quite the trick. I weep in private, I meditate on all things good.

It's a necessary procedure and a very deep one, a lot of healing in 2 places. Not to mention our hearts.

2 days off from school for Jewish holidays, so this is when I allow her to eat whatever, until midnight Wednesday. Then she'll be on liquids for 8 weeks. It's hard to imagine, especially for a 7 year old. How many shakes can you drink? Ice cream, soup, anything that doesn't require a chew of any sort. Then there's the hip. No running, there will be a period of regaining motion.

I'm so glad to have the support of good friends at this time. Her class may even come over on a mini field trip, if she's up for it! While it's undecided where she will recover, I think perhaps the baby geckos could move in with her for this healing time. They always make her giggle, and giggling is good.

I've been slacking on the horn ever since I came back from the Rosemary Clooney gig in Kentucky. Just no time, with all that is going on, and my energy is zapped beyond recognition. Any spare time is spent preparing things, or trying to relax so I can handle it all!

Always remember how blessed you are to have who and what you have in your life. My girl is so strong and brave, and I'm so lucky.

And for those of you who have been playing along, the detox is fine. I could be better on it but I certainly am happy to have dropped my addiction to coffee (though I may break early on Thursday, I will need my wits about me!) and I miss eating meat but not as much as I thought. If I can make it to next Sunday it will be great, but to have come this far, especially without coffee, is a huge accomplishment. It's good to clean out sometimes, just like we do our closets and such. Clear out your body and your mind every once in a while. It does help you go on!

xo,
NP

Folks who don't think detoxing is necessary these days must not realize what is in our air, food and even our brains (stress!!!)

I'm on day 6 of a not too difficult detox. I've done them in the past pretty hard core, involving 2 or 3 days without food, but I'm just too busy and old and busy with responsibilities to do all *that* again.

The detox I'm doing involves herbs that help in balancing the female body, hormones, issues. I'm a cystic person - once it was told to me that there have been studies on chicks like me - we're the caretakers - and somehow that manifests in cycst. Don't ask, I don't know, but I do believe. I need to take care of myself more, pamper, and I'm learning and doing when I can.

The detox also requires me to stay away from meat (oh, dear!) and coffee (WHAT?) but somehow, it feels natural and ok. I'm allowing fish. My body is used to protein and I don't really eat dairy. I also am as gluten free as I can be which means, without the fulfillment of protein rich meat, my body would feel empty. And I can't even have some organic pasta to fill that (though I can rock some rice pasta and bread! And of course, rice!)

But I decided that this detox was about taking care of myself which means, well, not torturing myself. The caffeine loss is surprisingly easy. I have green tea when needed, which has not been a lot. I miss the smell and taste of coffee, but not badly enough to partake. I will when this is over, a little over 2 weeks if I stick to my goal.

Today, day 6, I'm feeling a bit achy - this happens to me when I detox. A few days ago I couldn't stop clearing my throat, super annoying but stuff is coming up, and that's a big goal of detoxing, to clean out!

The achies are annoying. It's that feeling as if you're about to get the flu. But I'm not. I hope!

Tomorrow I head to Connecticut to play at a benefit with Michael (and with Ben E. King which is exciting!) It'll be nice to hang with the band and the fans - plenty of the fan club should be there! I wish I could be there tonight with them, they're having their dinner and auction. I hope my cd brings in a few bucks for the charity!

We're gearing up for a big surgery for my little girl. Been back and forth to the hospital for various appliances, adjustments, moldings, x-rays, etc. 4 appointments next week but at least we crammed 3 in one day.

I'm a bit of a nervous wreck in some ways for a number of reasons. The main, of course, is the surgery itself. I want her to be ok, protected, and for it to be as successful as possible. I want her to recover smoothly. She will be with me at home for at least 2 weeks, and I hope that we can spend that time learning and bonding as mother and daughter. We're really close, but sometimes the day to day blends together and people fall into routines. This will certainly be a break in the routine! I'm also a bit worried financially. The health system in this country is interesting, to say the least. She has insurance and we still have to pay because we have doctors who do what no others will. Her results? Spectacular. And it's worth every penny. But here I am, a single freelance mom. To take off a day of work is to not get paid. I had to take a LOA since they're going overseas and will not pick back up until December! There are a few spot gigs in between, but not only do I have to worry about the everyday bills, but the hospital and doctor bills on top of it!

Would I change my life? No.

Would I like to change the system? Wouldn't everyone?

So, I ask for prayers and good vibes and whatever else you think might help us through this time. You can even send presents if you want (hehe!) but what we really need is positive vibes for my princess to recover as painlessly and as quickly as possible.

And positive vibes for a positive change in our systems here. The health care system has no care in it from what I can see. The government doesn't want to help someone who follows her dreams and makes a living, just enough to overshoot the financial level of needing help - though that need doesn't include things like medical bills (or, quite frankly, living bills!)

Enough of this negativity. Everything works out, I keep smiling and being positive and doing my best as a mother, a person, a musician, an artist, and a friend. The universe outweighs the government, but enough people need to believe in the universe to change the government under it!

Help make that change! Let's detox the world!

xo,
NP

I love the color purple! Except for that Barney guy, he gives me the creeps.

So I am dropping my girl off at school - early - after not sleeping much last night - she wants to have breakfast at school with her friends (but not before Mom feeds her a good organic breakfast, just in case!)

So we get to the school and there's a little "farmers market" outside! I love produce and am actually doing a little detox at the moment, possibly more on that later... so I've been buying lots of produce recently. But... I see these glorious purple sweet peppers! My daughter LOVES red peppers, among a few other veggies, so naturally I had to buy 2 to try them out. They look quite hippy, almost tie dyed. The woman said they were a bit sweeter maybe than the red ones. Sweeter? Are you kidding me? Throw those in some hummus! My girl likes them plain (like most foods) so I'm excited to slice them up after school!

Yeah, the detox. I'm on day 3 so I won't comment on it yet, except that I haven't had coffee or meat (some fish to keep my protein up) and have been feeling quite good and, um, cleaner. This morning I'm VERY sleepy due to a bout of insomnia last night - lots of things going on and I suppose the upcoming surgery for my daughter weighs heavily on my noggin.

I'm so tempted to brew some coffee but think that a 10 minute disco nap will do me much more good.

xo,
NP

I can't ever subscribe to "Practice Makes Perfect", because what happens when you think you're perfect? Where do you go, what do you strive to achieve?

I allowed myself to sleep in today, last night's gig was fun and my chops felt quite happy - not even tired after the end which was a rare treat for me. I've been disciplining myself a bit more and cracking the horn geek whip at home, but this past week has been an interesting eye opener - I've had a fairly busy schedule and a lot of "stuff" to do besides, but I've learned to lock myself in the studio, bring my laptop for short chop breaks so I don't wander out to do things... and it really has helped. Who woulda thunk it? ;)

So I let myself sleep in and that seems to make me more sleepy sometimes. A trip to my favorite almost local diner and my "usual" plate of fresh egg salad over a green salad with oil, vinegar and lots of hot sauce, and a nice glass of ice water (the coffee just looked to hot on a day like this!), a little shopping (with a big score on some hysterical stripey rainboots that I actually needed, for years!). Came back home feeling like I could just play Sleeping Beauty until tomorrow. Did I??? No way. A coffee/protein shake... still sleepy. Watched a bit of Stand By Me that I tripped over on the telly (ironic since I'm playing that tune with Ben E. King in a week!), and then a few glasses of water. Still sleepy? Seriously?

So I head into the studio, thinking "this won't last long". A few minutes into warming up, my tone is crystal clear, my lungs fill like never before, the chops are buzzin all over the place! So I keep going, keep going, and pretty soon I'm at the end of my prescribed warmup! REALLY??? I'm feeling good, leave the studio and mix up some iced green tea. I'm now on a break, enjoying some catching up on the old internet, sipping tea, and am excited to head in to work on some Birth of the Cool charts my friend Rick Rango up in Canada sent to me!

I'm super jealous because he's actually performing it, and if I were any closer I'd definitely check out the performance (and crash it in some way... have horn, will sit in!) Seriously, it was my favorite record in high school, I listened to it until I could hear just about every part. What an amazing album. Back then I was a certified classical nerd. So I only listened to jazz and played half heartedly in the high school jazz band and eventually the all state stuff, somewhere in the middle of the section. When I hit the Interlochen Arts Academy, I did the same.

Now, people call me a jazz player for some reason. I still can't wrap my head around it but I work on it every day - not to fit their ideals of what I should be - but to always expand what I am.

xo,
NP

I'm always hunting for items to help my chops stay fresh and strong... and for my birthday I received a generous gift of the Chop-Sticks Advanced set. Little metal rods to use much like the famed "pencil exercise" which I have done on and off since high school...

I'll tell ya, so far, I love it! I'm in week 1 so it's only isometrics, but it's empowering to sit here and blog while my chops burn!

I'm off with my daughter to yet another doc appointment. Luckily, she actually likes these trips. It might be missing part of school, or the toy she gets at the end, but she sure is a trooper! We should all be so strong!!! Speaking of strong, my chops are burning!

xo,
NP

Sometimes I realize that I'm way busier and stressed when I'm home, not making the bucks. I do love my life, my daughter, my zoo... but wow, living in hotels for weeks at a time makes you lazy! I always forego the "maid service" and only ask for more coffee and shampoo if needed, otherwise I keep the room tidy enough. BUT other than travel, soundcheck, and gig time, the rest is all for me! Practice, workout, sleep, watch movies, read... so much stuff that I normally have a hard time finding time for at home, seem to come easier on the road. The downside? I miss my family, especially that little girl of mine.

I just had my massage therapist over. Luxury, you say? Hardly. All of that travelling and playing really torque my body and I feel real pain. I never prescribe hotel fluff massages to myself, I need someone with the guts to go in. Chin is that person right now. 2 hours of turning my subscapularis inside out (a very hard muscle to work but one that has caused me intense pain and immobility in the past 2 months) as well as inflicting the "thumbs and elbows of death" into mostly my upper back and neck... and I'm feeling more human now.

I was born with scoliosis, a fairly common congenital anomaly. My parents never had it "fixed" thank goodness, which in those days would probably have involved a metal rod being fused into my spine, with the spinous processes removed and reattached. I know folks who have had this surgery, and it's hard to live with. I am thrilled that I can bend, exercise, and while there is some pain, I can stretch and massage and feel good as, almost new.

Off to practice more. Part of the problem, but I suppose if screwed up rotator cuffs are an occupational hazard, I must accept it for what it is and work with it as always!

Take care of yourselves, treat yourselves kindly, especially if you work hard at what you do. Remember, being kind to yourself should not be a luxury!

xo,
NP

Man, I love what I do for a living, playing, touring... but nothing is sweeter than coming home into the arms of my little family! :)

I'm thrilled and still in a strange state of tired/giddy/awake fluxuations. Played a fun gig last night despite my exhaustion and had a blast doing it! I actually thought I heard my name in the audience but didn't notice (not that I could see out there with the glare of lights in my tired eyes, through my long eyelashes!) so if I had some folks out there that I didn't get to say hi to, send a note, will ya? Sorry I bolted fast but it was time to go and I caught a ride home! Can't sleep on those moments at midnight!

Life is interesting. "Status gigs" sometimes bring out the best and worst in your friends and acquaintances. I've generally had great reactions and support from everyone but once in a while encounter a situation where someone only touches base to try and get gigs, get info, just get. Never a note to say just "hey" or "let's grab lunch" or whatever. I find it slightly jarring, but at the same time I can understand ambition. We all should have it. And friends are not just there for us purely as support systems or companions, we ARE networking vessels for each other. But when called upon for ONLY networking, well, I can't say "friend" should really be in the title. It's ok, it's all what you want from each other. I tend to like to LIKE people as people before and during that phase where we mutually realize the ability to not only have a cup of coffee for no reason, but also drop each others names in appropriate conversations when talent or services are needed. I just don't dig the lack of "Hey, how ya doing" just for the heck of it with tons of "I NEED WORK".

If I've ever done that to anyone, I apologize profusely. I know the moments of desperation, the moments of not knowing if rent can be paid, or if actual cash can pay for groceries instead of plastic that will go on collecting fees and interest rates gone batty... I personally have quite the overhead that is not by choice. But it's my life and I love it and I would never trade my family or situation, and somehow things get done, things get paid or they will in time.

Remember not only the desperation of looming bills or that pair of Jimmy Choo's that you're dying for, but remember who you are as a person - your legacy, your kind words that make a difference.

Sorry for the rant, I'm still super sleepy and tend to ramble on! And for the record, this is not a rant on anyone I'm currently working with! I can honestly say that everyone I'm touring with and working with on the home front are extended family and DEFINITELY the type to meet up for coffee just because (usually because we're exhausted and have a gig- hehe!)

xo,
NP

Here we are! Last night we played on the Susana Giminez Show - apparently one of the most popular hits on TV. It was really fun and right now is on You tube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7JJKRPMQ90
I'm the singer in the middle. We were supposed to do 2 tunes - one involving horns, but you know live TV, things change on a dime. But we had a blast anyway! I always feel strange not having my horn in hand or nearby but we worked it! :)

It's my birthday today! I woke up to the sound of drilling through concrete, way earlier than I wanted to get up. The good news was that even though I should have slept a LOT more, I warmed up, worked out in the smallest gym in the world, had breakfast, and hit the town with Janis and Emma! DId a bit of shopping, saw more of the city (we covered a different area yesterday) and I'm back in my room wishing I could nap or eat but there's just not time. Soundcheck soon!

This is my second birthday on the road with Michael and gang. Last year I think we were in Louisiana... this is definitely different. I'm SO tired but am sure the rest of the day will be as good as it has been so far! And I bought a new show dress so I am excited to rock it on stage tonight!

It's been such a wonderful adventure and I'm so glad for our South American tour but am ready to be home. My daughter is very excited to celebrate my birthday in a few days. She got so excited on the phone today that I could not understand a word she said. Until I said what, and she replied, clear as a bell: "Mom, why can't you understand me?"

Haha. What a character! Can't wait to squeeze that little munchkin!!!

xo,
NP

It was a local band. Yow.

Well, I ended up getting a soup and salad via room service, and was grateful that they closed the door between the lobby and rooms and turned down the sound system as well. I heard hints of favorite tunes of yesteryear in Spanish, just enough to not drive me batty.

Getting ready to head to some huge venue here, the name escapes me because I don't know it. ;)

But I'm very excited to get on stage tonight and rock with the boys and girls!

I miss a few people and things at home and can not wait for Friday to arrive, either! But what a fantastic adventure this is!!!

xo,
NP

So, here I am in Cordoba, Argentina. Old world stylin'. Had a nice 4 (or so) hour walk with some of the guys from the band... charming and interesting place.

The hotel, perhaps not so much.

It's now 10:15. Since dinner isn't served in the restaurant until 9, I though maybe I'd venture out soon and get some grub to supplement the protein bar and cookies I had earlier... however, I believe I hear some very loud karaoke happening in the lobby/lounge/restaurant which happens to be not far from my room (or anyone else's, really)

Really?

Part of me wants to go out there and check out the locals singing their hearts out with lots o' reverb. The other part says to stay in. I could practice, watch a movie, read a book. Don't think I can actually write any music with that going on though! I sure do hope karaoke fun time is not an all nighter! Yeesh.

But I'm still grateful to be able to explore the world... the good and the bad singing! ;)

xo,
NP

I love it here in Chile. I could live here.

Just a beautiful city, wonderful people, and the crowd at tonight's show was amazing! This might have been my favorite show so far! I mean, ever!

I'm sad to leave tomorrow, but perhaps Cordoba, Argentina will be a cool hang as well! I can't believe sometimes how fortunate I am to be able to travel and play music. It's a lot of work, and a bit of pressure for sure, but what a dream come true.

There are some super exciting things coming up, and I can't wait for each day to unfold - yet I hang onto every morsel that I live through and enjoy!!!

Enjoy your moments, big and small. Enjoy your victories, your laughter - smile as much as you can - cry when you need to or just want to - close your eyes and be thankful.

xo,
NP

After a very, very, very long day of travel (driving for 6 hours, then waiting at the airport after a big Mexican meal, then flying to Venezuela...) we're here. I felt strangely exhilarated as we got to the hotel, and was geared up to hit the pool or the gym, but as soon as I saw my pretty hotel room and oh-so-comfy looking bed, I just had to collapse in a heap and take a hearty nap. Ahhhh.

Waking up in a bit of confusion, Elizabeth (trombonista extrordinaire) and I headed to find lunch. We found it. I've had better for sure, but at least my tummy stopped doing that rumbling thing!

Now back in my room, sipping coffee, looking out of my window at a very overcast day with a lot of sunshine fighting its way through the clouds that seem to be implanted on the tops of such beautiful mountains, I remember how lucky I am to be a working musician, an artist who is lucky enough to entertain others so far away, in such different worlds from my own. The ability to nod and smile stupidly as I try to ask for a bottle of water, pointing at the hotel brochure and looking helpless as I ask for the location of the gym (of course the guy spoke perfect English - what a relief!), it's pretty cool.

I'll be headed to the gimnasium shortly, after I finish this cup of coffee. I'm amazed though, looking at those clouds that seem to be a part of the mountains. The sun that fights them, wanting to be seen. I look down from my window and watch the traffic, the buildings from so far away, the mysterious airport that has a few small planes and helicopters, and I can't help but wonder what it's like to live here. I'm glad to be visiting and am looking forward to all of these adventures that I'm lucky enough to experience.

Whatever you do, whether it's working in an office, teaching, waiting tables... remember that everything you do for your paycheck affects people in real ways, and that your life and your work - whether you enjoy it or not- most likely makes others happy. Enjoy their happiness and take it with you on your journey, and be thrilled to be a part of it.

xo,
NP

I can't lie. I should be finishing my packing - lobby call in 30 minutes, but I'm blogging and practicing since I know we'll be landing at 9pm which translates to a 10 or 11pm hotel arrival tonight. So I need to finish at least some more strengthening and long tones for the trip so I don't feel too much guilt tonight, or sloppy chops tomorrow!

It's great to be back with the band, and welcome to newcomer Elizabeth! on trombone. Finally, another NYer on stage! She had a great first show, a lot of info from many angles, and she muscled through like a champ!

I was surprised this morning with an email, an article that was slated to be published next January or so is coming out this October! How exciting! Of course I didn't get a last chance to go over it, but it's cool. I think. Anyway, I'm very excited and grateful to Del Lyren for the interview and general coolness surrounding it!

Ok, ok, back to some playing and packing. Talk about multitasking!

xo,
NP

I've noticed that I've been slipping a bit in my quest for a gluten free life. It seems that there is quite the array of gluten filled "organic" products that only make me feel half guilty, but the truth is that organic gluten is still gluten. The funny thing is that I'm more disciplined on the road. Go figure!

So I spent a bit of time going through my kitchen and separating gluten filled products to give to those who choose to embrace gluten. Cool, I'm not about wasting anything - my dietary changes should and will be someone elses filled cupboard! I've done stunts like this quite a few times, whether it's an ingredient in food, or books, or even furniture that is taking up precious space and feng shui magical spots. You know. Stuff like that.

So when I get home from this short tour, I'm not only going to continue my quest of ungluing my insides as well as my loved ones innards, I'm going to also check out Baby Cakes in NYC. I heard it mentioned several times by friends, it's a gluten free bakery that is apparently close to heaven. Not far from here, a $2 subway ride and I'll be in cupcake heaven. I also do love that Whole Foods has been not only carrying ready made gluten free baked goods, but also mixes! I miss baking from scratch, it was loads of fun to do, but is difficult without key ingredients. I did manage a delish coffee cake last Sunday, but it wasn't exactly what I had hoped it would be. Good, but different. Gluten free ingredients are not the easiest to work with.

So, does anyone out there know of a good gluten free cooking class? I'd absolutely love to learn more - I love to cook and love that there are more options for those of us eliminating certain things in our diets (I'm also opposed to dairy - seems my half Japanese gene remembers that cows did not originate on the islands!) I get very creative in the kitchen but some things are a real challenge. Especially when you're feeding a 7 year old!

And sometimes, you just wanna hit Dunkin' Donuts and get a big, goopy jelly donut and a hot cup of coffee! And you can.

Balance. I know what makes me feel better and healthier and happier. And if I can get my skills more together to make things taste that much better, I'll slip less into that sticky gluten trap!

xo,
NP

What a tremendous weekend. We hopped a train and left our beloved city for a slice of silence, the Hamptons. Thanks so much to Elise, Max and Alfie for putting up with us all! We had a great time, laying on the sand, playing in the waves (or running from them, at least!), playing in the pool and even finding some new friends to build a "hotel" out of lounge chairs in the shade when the sun got too hot!

Sometimes you need to let go, no matter how much you love your life (and we really do in this crazy city!) and stay somewhere quieter, louder, bluer, grayer, wetter, dryer, whatever-er. It shifts your gravity pull and keeps your yin-yang balance a bit more, well, balanced. It makes you love home that much more, while you can smile at those other worlds.

Of course, being a "pro", whatever that means... I had to bring my horn - or "ax" as the jazz guys call 'em. Hehe. I did my duty to chops and my country by warming up sufficiently every day. Basically, buzzing the lips, the mouthpiece, the horn, doing awful sounding bending and slurring and interval exercises, the dreaded "six notes" which is nearing a hundred these days, or so it seems. And of course, I'd like to send out some blog prayers to Laurie Frink, the woman responsible for the rehabilitation of my chops, who prescribes horrible sounding exercises that make me feel and sound way better! Get well, Laurie!

So, here we are, back in the city. The funny thing is that I still hear crickets. Could be that we just bought 20 at the pet shop for our crested geckos, Alex and Adrian, to munch on. Ah, the sound of dinner is hopping. Being on a fairly high floor dissipates a bit of street noise, but because of the cooling rains we've had, I have the windows cranked open, so we hear the cars and people well below us, unaware of our lovely country sounds up here.

My daughter was really well behaved this weekend and I was so proud of her. When we got home, I'd decided to implement real chores and "other cool stuff" for her to do. Much to my delight - she likes to wash windows. I actually dug that stuff too as a kid. It's great to feel accomplishment and to understand rewards for good work (or to make up for being a brat, haha!) Life lessons... and that's one to grown on!

;)

xo, NP

Egads. Apparently humans are making it easier for Jellyfish to multiply from overfishing, global warming and what not.

As a kid, I used to love the ocean, until one summer I got attacked by a herd (is that what you'd call them?) of jellyfish, and I've never looked at the ocean the same again. I remember being in the medical tent, being seasoned with meat tenderizer (as if it wasn't tender enough???), the sting was unbearable and I was uncomfortable for many, many weeks.

I did go back in the ocean, we had limited means for "summer vacation" and the shore, a cheap motel room with us crammed inside, or even a campground by the shore, that was what we could do.

We're headed for the ocean this weekend. You can be sure I'll be on high jellyfish alert! Ugh. I'm not feeling fearless (or forgetful) like Dorie in Finding Nemo. However, I'm happy to pull up a piece of sand and worship the sun for a bit. :)

xo,
NP